Both men and women are guilty
Would it have made a difference if you had someone to turn to?
I was asked this question in an interview the other day and I was so overwhelmed by the event that I gave an answer that was true but also not entirely true as it could make people think that my mom and my gran did not love or care about me. The truth is they did, they loved and cared about me very much but the day my mother became religious and because of how we were raised and how the human race dictated what was “acceptable behaviour” keeping up the appearance meant that I could never really talk to them about the things that were happening to me as a teenager and I never really felt they had my back and by no means was it intentional. My mom and gran were also damaged goods of the human race and they did what they knew best while coping with their own issues.
It all went pear shaped the day I turned 13 and it’s been a roller coaster ride since that day. Now I’m no different to anyone else, in fact I would say that almost everyone has had a form of abuse in one way or another. I also want to say that when I listen to some of the stories that there are a lot of women who have gone through far worse than what I’ve ever experienced. But yes, I’ve been bullied, bee sexually abused and been treated like a second rate citizen.
The question I ask, “where did it all start, where did it start for most women, if not ALL women?”
In my opinion, it begins with society as a whole, and this is the entire planet, not just one country or continent and both men and women are guilty!
- The human race dictates that men are better than women.
- The human race dictates that because you are a woman that you don’t have as much say as a man.
- The human race dictates that because you are a woman and you sleep around or have been raped you are a whore.
- The human race dictates that because you are a woman that you don’t have as much rights as a man.
The human race does this by saying, because you are a woman you must submit to your husband because he is the head, the man incharge. Because you are a woman it’s ok for you to be treated like a sex object. Because you are a woman you must be paid less than a man. Because you are a woman you are not entitled to have the same benefits as men. Because you are a woman you are not allowed to voice your opinions or make decisions.
So how does this thinking, this indoctrination, this conditioning effect us as women?
You behave in a way that makes you weak. You think in a way that makes you feel less of a person. You do things that tells bullies and abusers that its ok to take advantage of you, or you become a tyrant, a hardcore bitch no one wants to be around and you become an abuser.
In a society where the human race still has these beliefs, still enforces these rules and in some countries makes it a way of living. How do you cope? How do you recover to become the person God intended you to be?
- Have a strong support system in place, where you actually feel that no matter what you do, or have done or how you’ve behaved, you are loved. That you are accepted for who you are, both the good and the bad. This helps you gain confidence in yourself and it gives you the strength to face life.
- Re condition your mind, re program your subconscious, change your thought patterns. Rebuild and make personal developmenat a way of life. You can only do this by constantly focussing on the positive and getting the help you need, whether it be NLP, hypnosis, spiritual healing or other methods, find what works for you but the reality is that you have to go deep. How your subconscious mind and body processes information is not how we rationalise it in our thinking.
- Turn to someone and tell them what is going on and choose someone you feel extremely comfortable talking to and make sure the person you choose will actually take action, will change the situation or take you out of the situation because this gives you hope, it gives you that sense of relief that someone stronger than you is helping you fight the battle you don’t feel you have the strength to fight.
- Empower the women around you. Make them feel special, make them feel important and valued. Recognise their contributions, recognise their abilities and constantly tell them how wonderful they are. I cannot begin to tell you just how much this can change a woman’s life. How much you empower someone by doing this. By doing this, you give them strength and hope and makes them feel good about themselves, that they are worth something and it makes them feel valued.
Coming back to the question, “would it have made a difference if you had someone to turn to? The answer is “yes”
The truth is that most women have gone through the same experiences, the truth is that no matter what, we won’t speak about it because of the fear of how the human race will label us.
I want to thank my husband and all those men out there who treat women as equals, who treat women with respect, who treat women as they would treat themselves.
London and UK riots are they justified?
There are people who try to justify the UK riots and say that the youth are frustrated and they have no future and so they have to let it out! They want change.
From my point of view, there is just no justification for burning someone’s house down, for burning someone’s business and livelihood down. I don’t care what your reason is!
If you have an issue with the government then why on earth don’t you go and burn their houses down? Damage their goods and make sure it is the right government the ones who caused the problem in the first place. Quite frankly to me this is not a good justification either but the fact is that the people on the street, the people around us are all in the same boat. They are not the ones who caused this and yet they become the victims of your actions. If WWF can get the world to turn off their lights for one hour then surely there are other ways of dealing with serious issues.
How about taking a stand as a country and stop paying taxes in countries like South Africa because the government misuses tax payers money. Because the government thinks that spending your hard earned money on his big new fancy expensive R65 mil house expansion is justified, and what is Julius Malema spending?
Recently municipal workers in South Africa went on strike for better wages, mmmm 18% is seriously off the wall but would it not be a better solution to go and trash the municipal leaders/governments places instead. Stop collecting their refuse? What difference does it make causing havoc in the cities or not collecting refuse in the suburbs?
If you don’t have your house as you were promised? Why do you continue to vote for the government who made those promises and why don’t you go and squat on their property?
What are your thoughts?
Bro’s before Hoes
Sitting in the lounge with some young people talking about life in general. One of the guys made the statement “bro’s before hoe’s” and I responded that it was a very horrible statement and that statement has caused women tremendous damage.
I started talking about a time in my life when I was in a relationship with a guy who I was very much in love with and how he damaged me because of this attitude. His friends were more important to him than I was. I’m not saying don’t go out with your friends or don’t spend time with them, friends are very important but the attitude of bro’s before ho’s cost our relationship and it also made me more insecure. We had a really good relationship until a particular friend walked in and decided it was party time. When we had plans, I was dropped at the last minute. They would disappear for days at a time and I would not get even so much as a phone call. I was left on the sideline to wonder where, what or how.
One of the young girls listening to what I was saying agreed with me. She said that she was in a relationship and their entire relationship revolved around him and his friends to the point where it affected her too. She said it had caused her a lot of hurt and she felt that what she wanted did not matter, she was also set aside at the last minute when something more interesting came along and eventually she broke up with him.
What both sides don’t realise is the damage this causes women. Guys who do this are inconsiderate and selfish and the women who stay in these relationships can really damage themselves because of the hurt and rejection they feel.
Signs that say he is no good for you:
- You’ve made plans and then you are cast aside when his buddy invites him out
- You don’t get told that he is going out, he just goes off with his friends
- Disappears for days without even so much as a phone call
- You feel rejected and hurt
If you feel this is what’s happening to you and you’ve spoken to him about it and nothing’s changed then it is time to pack your bags and walk away. He is not going to change, he is selfish and honestly he does not value you as a person and does not value your relationship. He does not love you and he is just not that in to you! That is the truth and the sooner you realise this, the better. Don’t think he is going to change or that you can change him. It’s not going to happen! You are there just for his convenience, when he has nothing better to do. The longer you stay in this toxic relationship, the more you are going to get hurt by it.
I know it is difficult to break it off but you have to find the strength to do this for your own sanity. If he really did love you he would not treat you that way. He would be considerate of your feelings and he would treat you as number one in his life. It is hard to accept the truth but if you search deep down you know I’m right.
Start telling yourself that you are valuable and if you were valuable to him he would treat you right. When he goes out with his buddies and leaves you behind, ask yourself “is this what I want?” Is this how I want to be treated? If you feel awful, upset, hurt, angry, is this what you want to have every single time? He is just not worth it!
The circle of life
Katie Melua’s song, The Flood. Broken people get recycled. Sometimes we get thrown off our pathways.
I’ve been recycled, feels like I’ve come full circle. I’ve definitely been thrown off my pathway, got lost for quite sometime but found my way back to the path again. Part of me regrets losing out so much time being lost in the pathway of destruction. Overall I’m grateful to have found my way back again. Grateful that I have friends who love me, a husband who taught me how to love and be loved.
Flying SAA
This is the second time I flew SAA.The first time I flew SAA things were stolen from my luggage. They got another chance because it was down to price and length of flight, mainly length of flight.
They have no leniency whatsoever when it comes to baggage allowance, as soon as you are over your allowance they are very quick to charge per kilo extra unlike other airlines. This is the deciding factor that I will never fly SAA again and they have lost a customer.
They did make up for it in the fact that the food was pleasant, the flight staff friendly and helpful and the leg room on the plane was better than most airlines but they fail on having only one TV screen for people to share, this does not bother me so much as I tent to take a sleepling tablet and off I go to club duvet.
Will I fly SAA again? Based on there over strict policy on baggage allowance, my answer is no. This is extremely important to me as a custmer. 20 kg’s on a long haul flight is nothing.
Do you think they listen to their customers in the social media world?
Somehow I don’t think so.
What’s been your experience?
Did someone make you feel worthless today?
A friend of mine is having a rough time at the moment. Life sometimes can be tough and push us into a corner were we feel like we just can’t do this anymore. This is for you, feel inspired, your day will come. Be strong, and create the life you want. Make your dreams a reality.
I don’t communicate the way you do.
Whilst reading, “Why you can’t project your energy online” by Dr Lisa Turner I realised why it is so important for some people to meet face to face. For me personally it hasn’t been a big issue, in fact I love meeting people online and have great synergies with various people across oceans and continents, where we just click and connect.
Lisa explained that our body language, tone of voice and the way we interact with other people is all part of the bigger picture in us feeling connected and that we feel we don’t really know the person until we meet them face to face. It is a very interesting read.
It finally made sense to me why most people feel it is so important to meet face to face and why they struggle to understand the concept of networking online and that developing any form of interaction with other human beings seems a foreign concept and is unacceptable.
So basically the need for people to meet face to face makes them feel secure in that they know who that someone is and by meeting face to face you would possibly make a judgement on whether they are acceptable to you, or not, by their behaviour and body language. But what about people who are really good at what they do but lack social skills? They don’t necessarily have charisma, don’t have communication skills and rather than attract people they might offend people.
Let’s look at some characters for instance like House on House, Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory, Walter on Fringe, Christina on Greys or Chloe on 24. All these people are exceptionally good at what they do and if you had to meet them face to face you possibly would not hire them for the job or even add them to your network all because they lack social skills and yet they might be the best person for the job. I realise these are just TV characters but how many of us can identify with these characters and have actually met people like these in real life?
I know I definitely lack social skills. I try hard not to be socially weird but the reality is, I am. I tend to live in a world of my own. Come across unfriendly at times. I am blunt. I say things unintentionally sometimes, which tends to offend people and I have no idea that I’ve offended them and often I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong and more often than not people have completely misunderstood me.
Is this my fault, or is it their fault? Actually I would say it is no one’s fault and maybe sometimes we tend to be too over sensitive and too analytic. Just because someone does not communicate the way we do does this imply that they are rude or offensive or is it perhaps that we need to realise that they may just be on a different wave length and do not have the same social skills that you have. Take your average so-called “Geeks.” Although they are brilliant at what they do, they do not necessarily possess good social and communication skills.
Web 2.0 or better known as social media has changed my world. In yesterday’s world if I started a business it would have been a complete failure because of my lack of social skills, inability to market myself or communicate effectively. However, in today’s world starting a business is so much easier because in this online world you can be yourself, and networking is so much easier. So, for the Walter’s, Christina’s Chloe’s and Sheldon’s of this world, it creates new opportunities and possibilities.
I’d like to know if there is anyone else out there who feels like I do, considered socially weird or nutty. I would love to connect with you online. I know there are many people who are really good at what they do but are often misunderstood for lack of social skills and you know what, you’re my kind of person. DM me on Twitter @romanythresher or join me on Better Networking and we can be socially weird together.
Puzzle Pieces
One of my favourite hobbies is building puzzles. I can get lost for hours. I have not done one in a while, this is due to
Thinking about puzzles and looking at one I had built I could see how people are like puzzle pieces. Everyone has their place in the world, their fit, their part. When you build a puzzle you will find pieces which slot in so easily and fit perfectly. There is a synergy, a spark an instant connection. When you meet people like these you find you can chat for hours and hours and talk about anything under the sun. You can even be apart from these people for long periods of time and just pick up where you left off.
Then there are puzzle pieces which sort of well they do fit but it took some time to get them to fit. Perhaps it required a connection of some sort. These are people you meet, you get on with them and become a part of your network, there is no synergy, you both like each other but the magic is not there. You keep in touch and you support each other when you can.
Then there are puzzle pieces which don’t fit at all in a section but actually fit somewhere else. You meet people in your life who you thought you’d get on with but to find out later on that you don’t, you are like oil and water. A lot of the time you end up parting ways and not always in a pleasant way. It does not make any one individual wrong or a bad person, it just means you don’t fit together as part of a puzzle.
Everyone has a place, a set of friends, a group where they fit in. We are all connected to each other, but I believe we all have a place where we fit in to make the connections work. So if there are people who you are not getting on with perhaps your puzzle piece and their puzzle piece just don’t fit. If you do fit, nuture it, build it and make it flourish.
What are your thoughts?
Running Away
I have a friend’s whose solution to everything is run, run away from the situation,
- run away from the problem at hand,
- ran away rather than dealing with hurting another person,
- run away before they themselves get hurt,
- run away because you are feeling insecure,
- run away because of something that was said and done
- Just run, run, run
It is easier to pick up and run than to deal with the emotions. The only reason my friend has not run away from me is because I won’t let them.
So why do you run? Is it because you are afraid of being hurt?
Besides burning bridges, people who run away from others leave behind a trail of hurt, damage and disruption and in many instances with things unresolved and people wondering “what if”, “what happened,” “what did I do” and “what can I do to fix it”?
Coming from a place where I have a step family who I don’t know very well apart from one or two of them and pretty much a place of which my family only consists of my mom and my husband I can see the true value in relationships. I’ve made it my mission in life to build good solid friendships which I can count and depend upon.
What I find fascinating with people who keep running away is how they don’t realise what they are doing to themselves and the people they run away from.
Perhaps the truth is, if you dig deep inside, the relationship you are running away from could possibly not mean all that much to you otherwise you would’ve stuck around to work things out. So which is it? if that relationship is meaningless then the person you are running from is better off without you.
I’ve been married for 17 years now and in the beginning, well I would say 2 years into our marriage we had some real challenges to a point where we almost got divorced 3 times. I was rather messed up when my husband found me. Gosh I’m sure if he knew what he was getting himself into he would’ve run too, but no he did not, he stuck by me. He taught me how to love. He helped me heal the damage that was done. He helped me to rebuild myself and all because he stuck by me. All because he showed me he cared. There were times when he himself got frustrated and wanted to run and did a few times but both of learnt great lessons during these times and it was these times that we learnt the true value of our relationship and the value we have to each other.
True relationships come from working together, helping each other, getting through the rough patches and learning to understand the other person. Just because you have a misunderstanding, or a tiff or the person was mean to you, is that enough reason to run?
We all have our bundles of baggage the come with us when we meet someone new. The challenge is how to work with our baggage and the baggage of the other person. The challenge is to accept that things may go wrong and that you may not even get on for a while. The challenge is you have got to stick it out and work at it.
There is no greater feeling than to know someone loves you and that someone actually cares about you. There is no greater feeling to know you have people you can count on in your time of need.
A job can be lost tomorrow, money can disappear in an instant but the value of true friends and family never go away unless you choose it to. Yes there are times when some friends or family can do more harm than good, then it is time to walk away but before you do really analyse whether walking away is the right thing to do.
How do you feel about people who run from their problems?
Do you run from things, if so, why?
What about my human right? – South African Government Hospitals
I use to be so proud of our doctors, our hospitals and our system because in South Africa, a citizen could walk into any government hospital and get treatment for free. You would get all the tests you needed and a doctor would give you an answer. I’m not knocking the doctors or the nurses, actually I feel sad that they have to work under those conditions.
Sadly I have to say that government hospitals in South Africa are a very sad state of affairs. The government has lots of money to spend on the 2010 Soccor Fifa world cup which has no benefit to the people but they cannot afford to have decent clean hospitals.
I had to go to the hospital earlier so that I could get some treatment. I was horrified and disgusted as to how bad things have gotten here in South Africa.
The hospital was filthy and smelly even the parking lot at a shopping centre is cleaner than the hospital. It is so unwelcoming, so dirty. You would get sicker just being in that atmosphere.
I could not bring myself to sit there in that reception room and so I left. Now I have to resort to paying for a private doctor which costs a fortune and I know I will need a certain type of medication which is going to also cost a fortune and I don’t have medical aid because I’m living in the UK. I was angry and upset because as a decent person I have literally nowhere to go unless I pay an arm and a leg to get decent, clean medical attention.
I said to my assistant that they should have a place for the gomgatte and a separate place for people who are prepared to pay what they can or have a standard rate to have clean and decent hospital service so that someone like me does not have to sit next to someone who smells of alcohol and urine and who seriously needs a bath. He said to me “but that would be in violation of human rights, they can’t do that!” even though he agreed with me. My response was “and so what about my human right! Just because I don’t have medical aid and lots of money, I have to sit next to someone who hasn’t bathed in weeks, reeks of alcohol, urine and has no self respect to clean themselves.
I went down to the Medi Clinic and it was going to cost a minimum of R2,500 just to do the bare minimum and that is excluding the tests that I know they will insist on me having done. I’ve had them done in the UK already so I know the drill but at least with the NHS it cost me only £9 to have those very expensive tests.
I’m not being nasty, I’m all for human rights but I have a right too and just because I have self respect to keep myself clean, and tidy and decent now I have to be subjected to that, “is this fair?” Why can’t private hospitals open their doors to decent people like us and charge us a rate that is affordable so that we too can have decent treatment. I would’ve gladly paid R200 even up to R500 which is way more than the UK.
I was moaning about the UK NHS system because it is so slow in getting to see a specialist and I cannot see the reason of having to see a doctor first before going to a specialist. Now, I am grateful that at least I have that option of being able to have access to the NHS because at least it is decent, clean and I don’t feel out of place. In South Africa I feel like I’ve entered hobo land when I go to the hospital.
What about my human right? Surely I have the right to have decent medical service. What about the South Africans who are decent and have self respect, why should they be subject to smelly! It seems that decent citizens no longer have a right, a say, a voice?
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